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If you suspect anyone of showing sympoms of the 'Necro- Mortosis' Virus, the Government has released the following anonymous tip line.
1 800 155 3219
Miami, FL. (ZWN)---
Hamel representing the 10th Congressional District outside Miami, Florida, leveled a number of accusations and indictment at the present administrations handling of the undead plague within the US borders.
Officially, the Center for Disease Control lists only one confirmed undead outbreak in the United States, 'the New Jersey Zombie Incident.' However, according to Congressman Hamel, “After pouring through thousands of pages of documents given to my staff by the General Accounting Office, there have been at lease 17 mortosis virus outbreaks in the United States since early 2006.”
Most of the incidents listed by Hamel are small, three cases of “Necro-Mortosis” infected airline passengers attempting to enter the United States from foreign destinations, nine cases of infected Haitian refugees being intercepted at sea or on shore by the Coast Guard, including one report of a “zombie boat,” where the entire crew of 27 was found reanimated, 'the New Jersey Incident', and five previously unknown outbreaks:
Kearny, New Jersey, outside Newark: One zombie rekilled during
the 'New Jersey zombie Incident'. Investigators now believe a local
man was keeping a separate reanimate (F) in a secluded lock-up garage,
it is unclear at this time what his intentions were but it is considered
to have had no contact with the public. No arrests have been made, and
the owner of the garage is understood to have fled the area
New Mexico: The recent raid on an illegal 'zombie
farm' in New Mexico. This led to the temporary escaping of two undead.
Later recaptured and neutralized.
“With the cooperation of the Chairman of the Armed Services Committee, I had my staff review all 7,000 pages of reports on alleged Undead sightings in the U.S., and then again, there was nothing.
“It was not until my staff reviewed the complete record of ‘Incidents,’ rather than ‘Outbreaks,’ that this information was found.”
Under Federal guidelines, an outbreak is narrowly defined as “the direct person to person infection of the Necro-Mortosis virus that occurs within the United States involving two or more individuals in an uncontrolled setting.” Under this definition, people infected with the virus before entering into the United States and do not spread the virus to others, or who contract it while in jail or refugee centers, are not listed as being a part of an outbreak.
An “Incident” is a far broader category. It can include the importation of Undead test specimens or body parts for scientific research, improper disposal of possibly contaminated tools or equipment, and the lose or mishandling of virus DNA, cultures, and test drugs. For instance, Congressman Hamel sites 37 cases of Necro-Mortosis virus sample labels actually falling off and the samples being rendered unidentifiable.
“It is insanity to list actual mortosis victims in the United States in the same category as scientists forgetting to clean up after themselves,” continued Hamel. “Mid level bureaucrats are placing “It is insanity to list actual living zombies in the United States in the same category as scientists forgetting to clean up after themselves,” continued Hamel. “Mid level bureaucrats are placing schematics over common sense, and in the process, preventing vital information about the spread of this disease from reaching key decision makers. This is the same type of thing that caused 9/11.” The White House expressed “concern” over Congressman Hamel’s remarks, and Congressional leaders are promising hearings into the matter.
“Mid level bureaucrats are placing schematics over common sense,"
Snyder, of BurWatch, a bureaucracy watch dog group, says, “I don’t
see how anyone could be shocked by this. The Federal bureaucracy is
so large and controls so much information it is only inevitable that
things get missed. Add in the fact that it is nearly impossible to reprimand,
let alone fire a bureaucrat, no matter how grossly incompetent their
actions, and you get what we see today. The bottom line is some federal
employees just don’t care and there is nothing we can do about
it. Maybe if the zombies where closer to where they personally lived,
they would have put them into the proper category.”
Former FBI agent Marty Waters, President of Allied Advanced Security (AAS) has additional concerns, “It is bad enough they aren’t classifying the information properly. But the level of investigations into these matters is shoddy at best. Just look at them, people catching the virus through contaminated drugs, boat people, the virus ‘mysteriously’ popping among refugees who had supposedly already gone through quarantine, and a zombie pet without an owner? And the case in Florida, two Caucasian zombies in American clothes but somehow they decide there’re Jamaicans? I’ve seen better conclusions on the back of a cereal box. Sounds to me like there is some kind of interdepartmental rivalry going on between the FBI and Homeland Security where they are trying to investigate these instances quickly to avoid bringing other agencies in.
“Another thing that concerns me is the number of homeless people involved in these cases. There are already rumors that an outbreak around Ottawa, Canada very well might be based in the serious homelessness problem in that city. It does not take a rocket scientist to figure out that any disease could spread rapidly through these populations and we would never know it until too late. This is a very dangerous situation.”
Hamel's book will be published by Carrigeway Press and is expected to
be available mid june.
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