| Disclaimer:
The following article is the sole opinion of Arthur Helms. ZWN and it's
affiliates do not influence, endorse nor are accountable for Mr. Helms
opinions.
 In a previous column, I discussed the
somewhat successful United Nations military response to the plague.
This week, I will focus on the U.N. voting body’s contribution
to the effort, namely 'The Universal
Code of Conduct.'
On the surface, it’s easy to ask the question; what’s not
to like? And in fairness to the United Nations what they came up with
is in many ways a fairly logical and straight-forward set of guidelines
to deal with the general issues of the plague and resultant undead.
The chief issues that many member nations have with the Code come down
to the two major themes built into it. And like practically everything
else in this world, those two issues break down into simple economics
and perceived threats to a nation’s autonomy and sovereignty.
Right now, some of you may be asking, “Hey, Artie (my friends
call me that. You may if you like as well in your inner monologs), what
country could possibly have issues with banning making profit from the
undead or the plague? What nation in its right mind would want people
to traffic in reanimator parts or, worse yet, whole reanimators? Who
could support the ghastly concept of using undead for sport or other
nefarious purposes?” My answer to this as any of my regular readership
will tell you is rather simple… economics. It’s true that
no legitimate, civilized nation wants anything to do with the unpleasant
facts of Necro-Mortosis, reanimation and the undead. It’s also
a safe bet that any nation that would support such things wouldn’t
be a member of the United Nations in the first place.
The problem comes from the rather broad wording contained in the Code
concerning profiting from the undead. In part, the Code states, “The
use of a reanimator for sport, entertainment, sale or financial gain
is against the law.” We all can understand the need to outlaw
sporting uses for the undead. After the discovery of the farm
in New Mexico ran for the specific purpose of supplying reanimators
for use in sport hunting, few in the United States would argue that
point. The outright sale of reanimators and/or their parts is likewise
disrespectful to the people the undead once were and their surviving
families and, quite simply, incredibly dangerous to us all. Every piece
of infected tissue has the ability to continue to spread the plague.
The problem comes from the words “entertainment” and “financial
gain”.
“Financial gain”, aka “profit” is the cornerstone
of this and every other capitalist nation and “entertainment”
is a huge industry. Americans are constantly in need of it, and they’re
willing to pay for it. Now, it’s not just us. Most any civilized
nation in the world has developed mass media entertainment. Billions
and billions of dollars a year get bandied about in the entertainment
industry, so much so that entertainment has become the United State’s
chief export. Mixing the huge amounts of money at stake with one of
the world’s most complicated and clogged judicial systems the
world has ever known has made the Code a virtual loaded gun.
The Code states that “legitimate” news agencies can broadcast
re-killings but it does nothing to define what would be considered a
legitimate news agency. Many Americans get their news not from the traditional
network news or even cable network news outlets. Those scales tipped
long ago with the invention of the World Wide Web and the introduction
of paper and electronic tabloids and have served to turn the once thick
and heavy line between “legitimate news” and “entertainment”
into a dotted one. Is CNN a legitimate news organization? How about
the Weekly World News? What about the Fox News Network? Is Entertainment
Tonight considered a legitimate outlet? What about Larry King Live?
Even the site you are looking at right now, Zombie World News, has come
under fire a time or two for their reporting. Other countries have similar
programs and networks that have rather murky lines separating their
entertainment from their news. The case could be made that even the
aforementioned Weekly World News, Enquirer, Sun and other such and so-called
tabloids are in fact legitimate news agencies. If a large group of people
trust these publications (and if their circulation numbers can be believed,
there are many that do), who is the U.N. to tell these admittedly suspect
news consumers what makes a legitimate outlet? And for that matter,
how will the U.N. be defining profit? Practically all news agencies,
regardless of their reputation, trustworthiness and accuracy of reporting
are for-profit entities. They rely on advertisers for their revenue
to finance their news gathering operations as well as provide profit
for their owners, operators and stockholders.
To see the problem in action, let’s say a woman becomes infected
and reanimates here in the United States. The police come and a news
van just happens to be in the area to catch the re-killing drama unfold.
The footage is aired, of course, as the lead story. The woman was newly
turned and thus more or less intact and identifiable. Since the news
program is put on by a television station, a typically for-profit entity,
the family of the reanimated woman sues under the tenets of the Universal
Code of Conduct since the television station aired the footage as a
for-profit entity. Now, logic and reason would tell most intelligent
Americans this is not what was intended by the Universal Code. And of
course, they would be right. However, frivolous and high-dollar lawsuits
aren’t won on common knowledge and logic. They are won by determining
which attorney can best twist the wording of a code, rule or law. If
you take away the drama of the plague and reduce it to the terminology
used, a judge would be hard-pressed to rule in favor of the television
station in this example if he were going strictly by the Code of Conduct.
Thus, the Code falters despite its good intentions.
Even more than the effect the Code would have on the operation of our
news agencies, regardless of their relevancy and accuracy, the largest
hurdle to cross is simple, basic national pride. America, like many
other nations, hates being told what to do by others, especially when
those others aren’t even Americans, and even worse when it comes
from the United Nations. Global conspiracy theories, Illuminati rumors
and just plain national pride keep most Americans, and by extension
their elected representatives, from bowing down to most anything that
comes from the U.N.
By now, most Americans have a basic awareness of Necro-Mortosis
and reanimators, even without having suffered a serious outbreak. They
know the signs of the plague; they know that reanimators are uncommunicative,
slow-moving and cannibalistic. They know to contact authorities, and
they know that destroying the brain is the only way to effectively re-kill
the undead. Since we know this already, as a people we really don’t
feel the need for the U.N. to tell us what to do or how to do it. But
I think we and our government is missing the big picture here. The American
judicial system is a rather unique animal in our global community, and
I fully understand the Constitutionality of not accepting the Universal
Code as the law in our land. However, the United Nations did do a service
to the world by hashing out at the very least a rough, general framework
to build from. If each nation agreed to the basic concepts of making
it illegal to transport reanimators in whole or part or to use them
in anything other than highly-regulated scientific research, the Code
would be a good thing so long as it provided for enforcement of those
tenets on an international scale. With such global cooperation in place
on those issues, each nation could then craft their own Code of Conduct
concerning the myriad and comparatively localized issues. The zombie
is in the details, to co-opt a popular phrase. Had the U.N. Code of
Conduct focused more on matters of the international and less on the
minutia of body disposal and when it’s okay to publicly show or
not show a re-killing it would have gained a far better reception.
Let’s take the Code for what it really is; a start. The U.N.
got the ball rolling. Now, it’s up to each individual nation to
do their part to refine their own laws and codes sooner rather than
later. The undead move slowly, our courts and legislature slower still.
The plague has proven it can move considerably faster than either of
them. The time has come for the U.S. to stop relying on anti-terrorism
laws and the Patriot Act in the face of the plague and develop its own
laws specifically tailored to the undead threat. Federal laws on the
books that specifically deal with reanimates will serve to reassure
the American people that their government is working proactively to
defend them against any possible future outbreaks. The more we discuss
the plague and the walking dead, the less terrifying they will become
to us. And the public, frank discussion and debate necessary to draft
such legislation in this country would also serve to demystify the undead
to the average American. In short, let’s use the Universal Code
for what it really is; a wake-up call… a figurative call to arms.
Arthur Helms is a syndicated columnist who has dealt with a host of
social and political issues. His previous syndicated column, “Logic,
Please?” offered commentary on a host of world-view issues as
seen through the cold yet bright light of plain logic, demonstrated
fact and simple common sense.
While
the academic and political elite often dismissed his commentary as “too
simplistic” for our complicated times, his books of collected
columns and hundreds of national speaking engagements each year attest
to his connection to a readership yearning for simple answers to complex
issues. Helms recently ended his syndicated column to sign on exclusively
with Zombie World News, providing a fresh, logical,
plain-English view of the plague and to bring some common sense to what
many perceive to be a senseless situation.
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