Israeli Army In Retreat!
Undead Descend on Jerusalem!
Posted: April 11, 2007

Tel Aviv, Israel. (AP)
ZWN Field reporter Jack Duffy.

Jerusalem--- In a hastily arranged press conference this morning, Brigadier General Ari Leo of the Israeli Defense Force announced, “The IDF action in the Occupied Territories, code named 'Operation Olah,' is now a defensive operation.”

The statement comes just hours after “over 200 undead” overran Israeli forces outside Tulkarem before being destroyed by the Israeli Air Force in napalm attacks just three miles outside the Israeli beach town of Natanya.

Israeli forces attempting to establish “a two kilometer wide defensive perimeter” along the border between Israel and the West Bank have come under a surprising heavy resistance from hundreds of Undead in what is rapidly becoming the largest outbreak of the ‘Necro-Mortosis’ virus outside of Haiti

Heavy resistance:
Leo stated, “Overall IDF casualties have been light and progress toward the goals of Olah are ahead of schedule. However, the unexpected prevalence of ‘Necro-Mortosis’ reanimations of the recently deceased in previously pacified territory make further advancement imprudent at this time.

"Intelligence has determined the city of Jerusalem is in immediate danger of infestation."

“In addition to the Natanya Incident, there have been 17 other attacks on border checkpoints and settlements, three of which led to the Undead infiltrating Israeli territory. Two have been fully contained, and the third, near Lahav, is ongoing.

“Intelligence sources indicate further attacks are likely. The Office of the Prime Minister has determined this constitutes a clear and present danger to the citizens of Israel, and has ordered all military forces to pull back to defensive positions along the border until the outbreak can be contained.

“Furthermore, intelligence has determined the city of Jerusalem is in immediate danger of infestation. Sources on the ground and satellite imagery indicate the rate of ‘Necro-Mortosis’ infection among the thousands of pilgrims and refugees seeking the Holy Sites of the city is rising at an exponential rate. Computer simulations of the projected Undead population in and around the city within the next 72 hours vary from 3,000 to 10,000. However, all agree that the city will be indefensible from the Undead in at most one week’s time. This is an unacceptable situation for the State of Israel.

"the city will be indefensible from the Undead in at most one week’s time"

“Effective immediately, all active and inactive reserve units are to report to duty at the nearest military base for assignment for the defense of Jerusalem. The capitol will be held at all costs.”

In Palestine, the leaders of the Palestinian Authority are yet to be seen or heard since they fled into hiding at the outset of Operation Olah and many fear they are dead. Either at the hands of the Undead, or Israeli missile strikes.

Palestine's response:
The lack of centralized coordination has crippled the Palestinians’ response to the outbreak. Bethlehem police have secured the city in a series of coordinated Undead sweep operations, but in Hebron, attempts at fighting the plague degenerated into armed turf wars between Fatah and Hamas factions of the police. In other areas, civilians have taken up their own defense forming bands walking the streets with small arms, clubs, and swords with disastrous results. The common theme across Palestine is almost all efforts to contain the outbreak are inconsistent, and have only served to spread the virus.

US Response:
Since the Necro-mortosis virus reached global proportions, the US has been slowly reducing it's overseas commitment of armed forces, even in Afghanistan and Iraq. However, a spokesperson for the White House said that President Bush is "Committed to helping the Israeli people defend their borders from our common enemy."

A significant pledge of military aid is expected to be announced shortly.

ZWN will now be leaving its current location in Tel Aviv and relocate to fortified positions on the scene in Jerusalem to bring you the latest breaking news.

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